When having a big heart hurts

For as long as I can remember, I have always been an emotional person. In everything I do in life, I get super involved. This is especially true for my interactions with other people. I care for others intensely. Sometimes it is too much. And often times, this ends up causing me trouble.

I wish I knew how to not care so much or how to not get so involved. But that is just not me. I’m either really for something, or I’m really against it. And once I’m for a person, I will do whatever it takes to make them happy.

And I love making other people happy. I truly do. But over the years, I have come to realize that sometimes my kindness for others hurts me more than it helps them. So I start to believe that my big heart is a problem. 

You see, I would walk miles for someone who wouldn’t even walk a few steps for me. Even though I don’t expect anything in return, there are times when I need someone to care about me, listen to me, and help me for a change.

Sometimes it is nice to be checked on or listened to. Not all the time, just every now and then. Because often the people who help others the most are the very ones who could use some help themselves. 

It took me a very long time to accept the fact that sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you would do for another person, that doesn’t mean they will do the same for you. That hurt. It hurt me deep inside because I care for others so strongly and deeply. But it is extremely rare that it is reciprocated. 

But then I think, “What would Jesus do?” Jesus would do it anyway. He would help, care, and love that person expecting absolutely nothing in return. He would walk a million miles for someone who refused to take the first step. 

That is how deeply God cares for us. And I believe that he calls us to do the same. We should help people anyway. Even when they wouldn’t do it for us.

And no, I am not saying to let people run all over you. God also created backbones for a reason. But I would much rather be remembered as someone who cared for others like Jesus did than someone who couldn’t have cared less. 

“Never stop being a good person because of bad people.”